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14 Dec 2012

Suicide Note


Photo: Adam Rowney, Suicide Rainbow, 2009

I have always been attracted to the idea of suicide. Not because I feel particularly world-weary, or prone to morbid thoughts, but because the act of suicide seems to me to be one that shows tremendous courage and which, paradoxically, takes away life out of a love of life. That is to say, in choosing to die freely and in a manner of their own devising, the suicidal subject offers a form of vital affirmation.  

I would happily kill myself tomorrow were it not for the fact that a very great deal of time and effort is required to produce an originally stylish suicide and I am, alas, fundamentally lazy. Thus whenever I begin to imagine the meticulous preparation that is required - arranging all the details, finding all the right ingredients, shaping the entire enterprise into a true practice of joy - then too do I think: 'Well, maybe the day after tomorrow ...'

And I remember also the following verse by Dorothy Parker:

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.


3 comments:

  1. How can you say that?! Committing suicide is not courageous! It is the bigger demonstration of cowardice. Sacrifice is courageous, because it is not selfish. Suicide is a selfish act, an escape because you cannot face something, or you cannot cope with something. Suicide is a failure even if it is theatrical.

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  2. Lord, I'm goin' uptown to the Harlem River to drown
    Dirty water gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

    I'm on a roll, mama, I gotta go, gotta get there while I still can
    Troubled days are behind me now and I know they're gonna let me in
    When you see me walkin' up the empty yard, just a-singin' and a-clappin' my hands
    Tell my mama I love her, tell my father I tried, give my money to my baby to spend

    'cause Lord, I'm goin' uptown to the Harlem River to drown
    Dirty water gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

    Good times come and they go, even a good man'll break
    He'll let his troubles bury him whole even though he knows what's at stake
    So I'm taking no chances, carrying over while I'm still good in His grace
    I'm no fool, mama, I know the difference between tempting and choosing my fate

    'cause Lord, I'm goin' uptown to the Harlem River to drown
    Dirty water gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound
    Justin Townes Earle agrees with you.

    Lyrics to Harlem River Blues

    Lord, I'm goin' uptown to the Harlem River to drown
    Dirty water gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

    Lord, I'm goin' uptown to the Harlem River to drown
    Dirty water gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

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  3. Atheism keeps me alive, and as Ricky Gervais would say: 'well God made me this way'!

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