Reflections on Milo Moiré's PlopEgg Painting (With a Note on Heide Hatry's Expectations)

Milo Moiré: PlopEgg (2014)

Photo by Peter Palm

milomoire.com

 

 

I. 

 

British art critic Jonathan Jones really doesn't like performance art and he wants the world - or at any rate his Guardian readership - to know it:  

"Performance art is a joke. Taken terribly seriously by the art world, it is a litmus test of pretension and intellectual dishonesty. If you are wowed by it, you are either susceptible to pseudo-intellectual guff, or lying." [1]

Obviously - and by his own admission - he's overstating things for polemic effect. But still it's clear that he's not a fan of contemporary performance art which, in his view, lacks power, fails to take any real risk, and reveals the extent to which today's practitioners are distanced from "real aesthetic values or real human life". 

 

Practitioners, for example, such as Swiss artist Milo Moiré, whom followers of Torpedo the Ark will recall I have discussed in earlier posts which can be found here and here. 

 

 

II. 

 

Performed at Art Cologne 2014, Moiré's PlopEgg, involved the expelling of paint filled eggs from her vagina on to a canvas, thus creating an instant abstract work of art. At the end of the performance, the canvas was folded, smoothed, and then unfolded to create a symmetrical image resembling one used in a Rorschach test.    

 

Dismissing Moiré as simply "the latest nude egg layer from Germany" [2], Jones denies that PlopEgg is an interesting feminist statement about female nudity, fertility and creativity; it is, rather, "absurd, gratuitous, trite and desperate". 

 

The thing is, even if Jones is right, and Moiré's conceptual work uniting painting and performance is all these things and succeeds only in perfectly capturing "the cultural inanity of our time", what's wrong with that?            

 

And, actually, Jones is not right: PlopEgg resonates in many ways on many levels for many of us; we think, for example, not just of female genitalia as represented in the history of art and of relatively recent contributions to this tradition by Judy Chicago, Annie Sprinkle, Jamie McCartney, et al, but also of Bataille's astonishing novella L'histoire de l'œil (1928) and the famous scene in which Simone inserts a soft-boiled egg into her cunt (as she does later with a raw bull's testicle and, finally, a priest's eyeball). 

 

We think also of Leda, the Aetolian princess, who was raped by Zeus in the form of a swan; the union resulting in an egg plopping out of her vagina, from which the beautiful Helen was hatched. And we even recall with a smile the beautiful jade eggs that Gwyneth Paltrow encourages women to insert in order that they may gain a greater experience of ther own bodies and increase their feminine energy [click here].      

 

 

 

 

 

Notes

 

[1] Jonathan Jones, 'The artist who lays eggs with her vagina - or why performance art is so silly', The Guardian (22 April, 2014): click here to read the article in full online. All quotes that follow from Jones are taken from this piece.  

 

[2] Jones doesn't specify who else he is thinking of when he refers to these egg layers from Germany, but one possible candidate might be Heide Hatry and her ambiguous performance piece entitled Expectations (2006-08), in which she too squeezes an egg out of her vagina. 

      In one variation of the work, Hatry, dressed as a businesswoman and carrying a laptop, throws the egg directly at the lens of the camera which is filming her, almost as if she wants the viewer to look foolish or feel embarrassed by what they're waching (i.e. to know what it's like to have egg on their face). To discover more about this work, click here. 

 

  

Reflections on the Goop Jade Egg

 

Goop Jade Egg

goop.com

 

 

I.

 

Launched in 2008, Goop is a wellness and lifestyle brand founded by actress Gwyneth Paltrow that aims - a bit like Torpedo the Ark - to operate from a place of curiosity and nonjudgment in order to make interesting connections and challenge conventional models of thinking.

 

Unlike Goop, however, Torpedo the Ark doesn't encourage followers to nourish the inner aspect, nor does it offer a range of wellness products, such as the nephrite Jade Egg, which women are invited to purchase - it presently retails at $66 - and then place into their vaginas. 

 

The Egg, which some believe to possess mysterious crystal power, is designed to enable women to experience a greater connection with their own bodies. Having first washed the rather lovely looking object with soap and water, the trick is to insert, hold it there for a while, and then squeeze and release. It is recommended that the Egg is also cleaned after use and stored in a sacred space - or at least one that has good vibes. 

 

Over time, this Kegel-like practice with the Jade Egg may bring increased happiness and well-being.           

II.

Strip away the new age nonsense and pseudoscience and ultimately what you're left with is something that you may or may not wish to buy and play with. I shouldn't think there are any dangers, but doubt there are any real health benefits either - though, if I were a woman, I'd sooner pop a Jade Egg inside than experiment with vaginal steaming. 

 

Finally, it should be noted that the Jade Egg (and fifty other Goop products) became the centre of a lawsuit in 2017, filed by the consumer advocacy group Truth in Advertising, who were concerned about false and misleading claims. This resulted in the company agreeing to pay a $145,000 settlement in September 2018 and issuing full refunds to customers who wished for such. 

 

Of course, Goop continued to sell their Jade Eggs, they simply toned down the language re: the benefits of using them; no more promises of increased vaginal muscle tone or greater feminine energy.* 

 

Ultimately, I've not much sympathy for those women wealthy enough and foolish enough to buy into the Goop philosophy. And, as I've indicated before on this blog [click here], I rather admire Miss Paltrow who possesses a winning combination of intelligence, beauty, talent, and chutzpah. Which is why she always seems to have the last laugh over her critics.  

 

 

* Note: at the time of the settlement Goop had sold around 3,000 vaginal eggs.   

 

Tu vuò fà l'americano

Sophia Loren in 

It Started in Naples (1960)

 

 

I. 

 

Even if I wasn't familiar with Elaine's low opinion of it, I can't imagine ever sitting down and watching The English Patient (1996). Like Miss Benes, given the choice, I'd opt for the (sure-to-be) hilarious comedy Sack Lunch every time [1].

Similarly, until last night I had scrupulously avoided another film written and directed by Anthony Minghella; The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) - an all-star psychological thriller based on Patricia Highsmith's 1955 novel of the same title. To my surprise, however - and despite the presence of Jude Law (for whom I have an entirely groundless dislike) - I quite enjoyed it. 

 

I mean, it's not great - and was certainly overrated by the critics at the time (much like The English Patient, I suspect) - but it has some nice scenes and performances, not to mention Gwyneth Paltrow as Marge Sherwood looking lovely in a 1950s-style wardrobe, including an azure blue nautical print two-piece swimsuit.   

 

I think my favourite scene, however, is in the small jazz club that Dickie Greenleaf (Jude Law) takes Tom Ripley (Matt Damon) to visit and where they (somewhat ironically) sing what is, without doubt, one of the catchiest songs of all time - Tu vuò fà l'americano - accompanied by Fiorello, the multi-talented Italian performer, in the role of Fausto: Nice! [2]

 

 

II. 

 

Written by Renato Carosone, in collaboration with lyricist Nicola Salerno, and combining elements of swing and jazz, Tu vuò fà l'americano quickly became one of his best-known (and most-loved) compositions - even amongst those of us who don't speak a word of Neapolitan. 

 

The song tells the tale of an Italian who affects an American lifestyle; drinking whisky and soda, dancing to rock 'n' roll, playing baseball, etc. - even though he still depends on his parents for money.

 

Carosone performed the song in the film Totò, Peppino e le fanatiche, (1958), but, of course, moviegoers in the English-speaking world are more likely to be familiar with it from It Started in Naples (1960), where it is performed with real gusto by Sophia Loren as the caberet singer Lucia Curcio: no wonder that old dog Clark Gable still had a sparkle in his eye! [3]    

Notes

[1] See Seinfeld, 'The English Patient' [S8/E17], dir. Andy Ackerman, written by Steve Koren,  (March 13, 1997). The quality of this clip on YouTube is pretty poor, but, if interested, click here. 

 

[2] To watch this scene from The Talented Mr. Ripley (dir. Anthony Minghella, 1999), click here. 

[3] To watch this scene from It Started in Naples (dir. Melville Shavelson, 1960), click here.   

 

 

The Scent of a Woman Called Gwyneth

goop.com

One of the questions that many of us have pondered in recent times is: What does Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina smell like?

Well, thanks to LA perfumer and alchemist Douglas Little - founder of the fragrance brand Heretic, that seeks to develop unique products based upon the mysterious, sensual and feral aspects of nature - now we know!

For Little, in collaboration with Miss Paltrow, has created a provocatively scented candle made with geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed, to capture the very essence of Gwyneth's sophisticated and warmly seductive vagina.    

Not surprisingly, despite what some cheapskates might regard as a rather expensive price tag ($75), the candle has already sold out, adding a few more pennies to the pot in which Goop has already amassed an estimated 250 million dollars.

So, those critics who like to mock Miss Paltrow had better just "light that candle, breathe deep and accept the facts: this is Gwyneth's vagina. And the rest of us just live in it."*

* This amusing line is by the American journalist Hadley Freeman writing in The Guardian (13 Jan 2020): click here.

Notes on Vaginal Vespatherapy

I think even Gwyneth Paltrow - a passionate advocate of apitherapy and steam-cleaned sex organs - might possibly raise an eyebrow at the idea of inserting ground wasp nest into her cunt. Indeed, even my friend Hotaru, who has a real fascination with formicophilia, said she found the practice troubling (and this is a girl who literally likes to have ants in her pants).

But this is the latest all-natural treatment being marketed at women looking to rejuvenate (i.e. tighten and freshen up) their vaginas. Of course, there's no scientfic evidence to back up the claims for the miraculous properties of manjankani. But, even as I write, some poor woman somewhere is doubtless applying crushed oak apple to her intimate regions in the mistaken belief it will pep up her sex life and eliminate embarrassing odours, when, in fact, it's more likely to have serious health implications. 

Thus it is that Canadian gynaecologist and blogger, Dr Jen Gunter, has raised concerns - warning women that it can result in a dry - not merely tight - vagina which can make penetration painful and increase the risk of tissue damage. This supposedly ancient and traditional method of pussy enhancement can also destroy the natural bacteria that help keep the vagina healthy.

She concludes her piece with a professional tip that is surely worth passing on: if it hurts, burns, or irritates when you apply something to the lining of your vagina, then it's probably best not to do it. Care for your mucosa girls! Don't insert random objects or astringent pastes into your body without at least checking with your local pharmacist or GP first.

And if anyone tries to persuade you otherwise, send 'em away with a flea in their ear ...


Notes

Oak apples (or oak galls) are abnormal growths commonly found on many species of oak tree that form when gall wasps lay single eggs in leaf buds. Reacting to chemicals released by the developing wasp larva, the trees produce hard, protective balls of bark, 2-4 cm in size, which the larva then feeds off until ready to emerge as a fully-formed insect.  

Dr Jen Gunter's post - 'Don't put ground up wasp nest in your vagina' (May 16, 2017) - can be found on her blog by clicking here.

In Defence of Gwyneth Paltrow

The question is not why so many people find Gwyneth Paltrow irritating, but why so many people hate her with such violent and shameful ferocity.

Reading through some of the vile comments written about her this week following the announcement of her conscious uncoupling from husband Chris Martin, one predictably comes across not only misogyny and anti-Semitism, but what Nietzsche terms ressentiment and by which he refers to a poisonous will to revenge on behalf of the disprivileged and those who continue to advocate and enforce slave morality. 

Ms Paltrow is hated not because of any pretentious aspects to her character or quirky affectations of speech, but because she is a very wealthy, very successful, very talented, and very beautiful individual who, despite the deep sadness caused by her separation, dares to present the world with a healthy, happy face.

I may not wish to subscribe to her goop lifestyle, but better even that than living with scabies of the heart.