Brooke Bond Tea Card Album: Flags & Emblems Of The World (1967)
Dead dreams, dead dreams flying flags / Flapping in the breeze, wave your coloured rags [1]
I.
Surprisingly, the exact origin of flags - and the etymology of the word itself - is unknown, but peoples all over the world have been waving their coloured rags (as identifying symbols) for many thousands of years.
The Roman legions, for example, loved their imperial standards topped with eagles and stamped with the letters SPQR, but they were by no means the first people to fly flags; in all likelihood this honour goes to the ancient Chinese and, during the medieval period, it was silk from China that allowed a number of other peoples, including the Arabs and the Norsemen, to design flags of their own.
Just like the Muslims and Vikings, Christian Crusaders also loved to wave banners and flags and the English Cross of Saint George - red cross on white background (although originally the other way around) - dates to this period (12th century).
It wasn't until the late-18th and 19th centuries, however, that people - not just soldiers and sailors - began to collectively identify with nation states and their symbols, including flags.
And today, thanks to Europeans colonising significant portions of the world and exporting ideas of nationhood, citizens in every country on earth who think of themselves as patriots have to have their own bit of cloth to run up the flagpole and salute.
Indeed, there are now so many fucking flags that one has to be a professional vexillologist to keep up!
II.
As might be apparent by now, I'm no vexillophile.
Although, funnily enough, back in the early '70s I was one of the children who used to like collecting those little illustrated cards - usually fifty in a series - that were given away with packets of Brooke Bond tea and apart from the one with British Butterflies (1963), my favourite was the set entitled Flags & Emblems of the World (1967).
But that was a long time ago. And today, I hate flags; flag bearers; flag wavers; and flag lovers. Today, whilst I wouldn't use the term, I might best be described as a vexillophobe - that's certainly the word Laura Dodsworth chooses to use (and claims to have coined) ...
III.
Writing in an article on her Substack, Ms Dodsworth extolls "our beautiful Union flags" [2], hanging on her local high street, as on so many local high streets at the moment, as part of Operation Raise the Colours; a 2025 campaign promoting the flying of the English flag (and Union Jack) in public places [3] and giving us all a wee taste of what it's like to live in Northern Ireland - no wonder I have a song by Stiff Little Fingers running through my head whenever I step outside! [4]
"Bright red, white and blue cut through the drizzle like fireworks", writes Dodsworth; and it's true sectarianism can be dazzling (just as fascism can be fascinating and awfully pretty to look at - all those colours and sexy symbols).
The flags, says Dodsworth, are a reminder that she's at home - making me wonder if she's not a touch demented; does she really need such reminders to know her whereabouts?
Anyway, for the record: I don't "recoil in horror at bunting" and nor do I "start to twitch at the sight of a fluttering Union Jack"; the sight of the St George's cross doesn't provoke "maximum fear and outrage". But, on the other hand, neither do I wet myself with joy and excitement at seeing the English flag raised above the local chippy [5].
Vexillophobia, dear Laura, is not "a form contorted self-hatred" - it's actually a sign of intelligence and maturity. One can appreciate the aesthetic design of a flag - "the thrilling colours and elegant geometry" - without wrapping oneself up in the bloody thing, or learning to stand tall and salute.
Notes
[1] Lyrics from the song 'Hard Times', by Public Image Ltd., on the album Happy? (Virgin Records, 1987): click here. The track, along with all seven others on the album, is credited to Dias, Edmonds, McGeoch, Lydon, and Smith. I don't like the song, but do appreciate the phrase 'wave your coloured rags'.
[2] Laura Dodsworth, 'The Rise of Vexillophobia: fear of the flag is this nation's greatest malady', The Free Mind (31 August 2025): click here. The article is partly tongue in cheek, which is - for me at least - its saving grace.
[3] The campaign began in August 2025 and involves tying flags to lamp-posts and painting the St. George's Cross onto mini-roundabouts, with the aim of promoting national pride and patriotism (and not of intimidating anyone or pissing off vexillophobes like me). The campaign has put me in a slightly strange position, as I despise both the people on the far-right who support it and the people on the far-left who oppose it (though I'm happy to accept that there are many supporters and opponents who don't belong to either political extreme).
[4] The song I'm referring to is 'Fly the Flag' (written by SLF and Gordon Ogilvie) and found on the Stiff Little Fingers album Nobody's Heroes (Chrysalis Records, 1980): click here.
[5] Push comes to shove, I suppose I'd rather see a British flag on top of the local town hall than, for example, the black flag of the Islamic State, the blue flag of the European Union, or the so-called pride flag of the LGBTQ+ community in all its rainbow-coloured garishness. But, ideally, I'd bin 'em all.
